Over-analysing and overthinking isn’t your problem — it’s the lack of facts and a quickness to conclude
Contrary to what we hear many people say to us, to not overthink something, our mind is actually more prone to under thinking or under processing information. Nobel Peace Prize-Winning psychologist, Daniel Kahneman talks about this in his book Thinking, Fast and Slow.
In Thinking, Fast and Slow there are a number of treasures I learnt, but I am only going to try and attempt to explain one of them and recommend that everyone reads the book for themselves. It is enlightening and challenging to your psychology.
The main premise of the book is to explain that you have two systems of thinking: A fast and quick reaction which is System 1; and a deeper, more prone to logical thinking which is System 2. Why is this important?
System 1 can be useful for quick reactions. Imagine coming across a Grizzly bear in the forest and your System 1 quickly tells you to run. Useful as that is, System 1 can also lead you astray. Ever made a quick cutting remark to your spouse or sister or friend and later regretted your own ‘cleverness’ because you deeply hurt that person? You can make quick patterns and associations in your head about a person referencing their behaviour or the “facts” and associating everything else you know about that thing/personal/quality. It is why they say “first impressions last the longest” it is also why our biases can be tough to remove, or certain habits hard to kick.
Your perception that a woman should look or sound a certain way can be a System 1 reaction but when you hear her speak with a deep sounding voice you are shocked. A person’s skin colour, outfit and the background scene of a certain situation all give your System 1 quick fodder or “facts” to develop a judgement about that person. It can play in subtle judgements too like, my boss didn’t give me any eye contact in today’s meeting, maybe I have done something wrong or perhaps he doesn’t really respect me.
The overthinking we all hate is when forming judgements about people as they relate to ourselves. We wonder, does that person like me, because the tone they used and their lack of eye contact would suggest they don’t. Then we start to run through all the facts we know — they never replied to my email, they aren’t friendly toward others, they are a female perhaps competing in the same industry as me or they are also single, same age-range and perceived as a mutual threat in the dating market. We start to create a backdrop story to support our earlier impression and a quick suspicion is formed. We quickly conclude this person doesn’t like me, and back up our theory with quick and quite likely erroneous thoughts and this judgement can be hard to correct later on. Now this is when “over-analysing” is dangerous. It is analysing judgements based on thinly veiled biases, pretending to be facts.
But we have to remember there is a System 2 at play. This is the system that looks at the below pattern of two lines, is told that the lines are of equal length and believes it. At first we don’t believe they are equal (unless we have done the test before) because System 1 quickly looks at it and says no way, not possible the one on the top is definitely shorter than the one below. But then System 2 says hold on, let me check this, and your brain takes longer to compute all of the facts. You maybe use your index finger as a guide and see actually, the fact is true — they are both equal.
Taking time and gathering all the facts is the difference between making a quick and rash judgement based on your gut or stress, versus taking a little bit longer and making a decision which is based on the facts.
So returning back to that quick judgement you made of that woman you just met or the boss in the meeting room. System 2 would say, hold on you haven’t heard more than a few words out of this woman’s mouth you have no idea what she is like. Or, this meeting room is crowded, your boss hasn’t given you much eye contact for a number of possible reasons, his emotions, health, the look on my face (which I am often not conscious of). Maybe the guy is actually nervous and isn’t even aware of who he is looking at, just focusing on making sure the words are coming out.
Breaking this down, it helps us understand why race and gender biases are so difficult to change. Why? Because it requires a conscious retraining of your brain.
I love what the Bible says — be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Contrary to what many believe about faith-based religions — that our minds get chucked out of the church window and we become empty shells brainwashed by Jesus. Christians are actually challenged to get rid of old mindsets and live with renewed thinking. Our minds are restored and we are renewed because we realize the old gunk needs cleaning out.
If I could liken this to your internet browser. Your computer caches the frequent internet searches you do so that each time you go online you are getting quick recommendations to old or similar websites. Saves time and is good for marketing. It is System 1 in action — there is a well built path and you can quickly travel down it with ease. This has its time and place, but if we fail to activate our System 2, to logically step through the problem, then we are missing the valuable power of the brain. Part of the risk is an artificial sense of rush — we are running out of time and we have to make a decision fast. Fast decision making can be very costly, we should be careful not to act so rashly.
So instead of saying ‘don’t over-analyse this’ to ourselves or the friend we’ve been listening to for the last 2 hours rattle on about their love life — decide not to quickly judge the situation until you actually have the facts. Ask lots more questions — for example getting to the root of something by asking why 5 times. It is the fact that we are judging a situation without perfect knowledge that our overanalysis is based off of biases and pre-conceived notions and lead us often to the wrong conclusion.
What has dating a Japanese guy taught me about this? I can textbook my way through a conversation with him and try understand the English version of what he has said to me, but his actual meaning behind those words, the cultural context and perspective he has about this issue and the tone of voice he is using should all be taken as relevant facts in our conversations. Getting out of my comfort zone and giving this relationship a go has taught me a lot about thinking slower and more considered before replying with a thousand words, shifting from System 1 to System 2. This has required me showing grace and also receiving it.
Being slow to speak and quick to listen is an old adage for a reason — it works. And if I have learnt anything from Professor Kahneman and my own dating experience, it is that life is richer when you learn to tap into System 2 — slow down and take in all the facts before quickly rushing a decision or a reaction. You will be thankful you did.